Pregnancy, in general, is pretty amazing. I mean, it's amazing if you stop and think that women are walking around growing humans and stuff. When you're going through it, it's hard to remember (during the nausea, weight gain, acne and general aches and pain) how cool it is. The end of pregnancy is specifically mind boggling to me.
When my friends have asked me how I feel lately, I've answered "I actually feel good! Like, I'm not having trouble sleeping or moving around or anything." Well, that ship has sailed. Sleep is a rare delicacy now, and just standing up supporting my 160 lb (!!!!!) body is a high intensity workout.
I find the end-of-pregnancy (and it's accompanying "shoot me now" mentality) both amazing and terrible. Terrible because.... I'm TIRED and I can't sleep. Amazing because I really believe it's God's way of preparing you for the sleepless nights you are in for with a newborn to take care of. It's God's way of gearing you up for labor. If pregnancy was all butterflies and rainbows you wouldn't look forward to hours upon hours of horrible pain and squeezing a baby out of your hooha. I mean, it's annoying, but cool nonetheless.
Towards the end you have this incredible nesting instinct also. You want to prepare everything you can and have everything as clean as possible because your baby could come any minute. I tend to be a 9 month nester. I go through spurts (beginning early in the first trimester) of getting the house "baby ready". A few hours before I went into labor with Elaina, I had an overwhelming urge to scrub the bathtub.
I haven't had the nesting instinct lately with this pregnancy, and honestly I can't even imagine getting in the mood to clean right now. I am SO TIRED. Insomnia is such a weird thing. You're exhausted and you can't sleep (or stay asleep). Why? It doesn't make sense. Like, I'm tired! Let me sleep, body! The last few nights I've thought to myself "I really hope I don't go into labor tonight because I will be begging for the epidural immediately. There's no way I can handle labor THIS tired."
Some of the pregnant moms (in the secret Facebook group we have) recommended I try Epsom Salt Baths. They say it helps you sleep when pregnancy is getting in your way. I was pumped to try it last night. I thought MAYBE it would be magical and I'd get to sleep.
Marvin texted me when he got off of work and asked if I needed him to pick up anything on his way home. He said he was stopping at Lowe's to get something we needed for the house. "This is really random, but if they have Epsom Salt can you get me some, please?". Marvin came home without Epsom Salt. He said they didn't have it a Lowe's. Apparently he read into what I said too literally. What I MEANT for the text to say was "Do not come home without Epsom Salt." He should know how to mind read by now!
Apparently my sob story text messages to my mother have her feeling sorry for me because she asked for Elaina to spend the night at her house tonight. I'm planning on soaking in an Epsom Salt bath for hours tonight and having my husband rub my feet until I get tired of it (read: never). I'm falling apart. I know Dane will be worth it, but right now I just feel so darn sorry for myself. By the way, I have a post nasal drip that's causing a redonk sore throat. Ok, I'll put my violin down.
In happy news, things are starting to "happen" down below. At my last appointment I was starting to dilate and efface. This means absolutely nothing (just ask all the women who felt the need to rain on my parade and tell me about how they walked around at 6 cms for two months), but it made me feel like the end is near.
Marvin's money is on May 22nd. Mine is on May 25th (but, I'm torn between that date and the 23rd since I had a dream about the 23rd early in pregnancy). What does that all mean?? It means Dane will stay cooped up in here until June and I'll be trying to perform an at-home c-section.
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