I'm now at the "I'm VERY ready" point of pregnancy. Every morning when I wake up still pregnant it's like waking up and realizing Santa Claus hasn't passed. It's a bummer.
I haven't gotten many "anything yet?" text messages from friends. (I guess they read the blog after all? Either that or they don't care. Ha!) The few I have received have come with the "I know this is annoying, but I gotta know" disclaimer, and for some reason, that actually makes it not annoying. My mom texts me everyday with "How are you?". I know this REALLY means "are you in labor?".
I'm starting to get irrational. I look back at pictures a few days before Elaina was born and I was really, really swollen. So, I've been taking selfies and examining them to see if I'm swollen (because the naked eye lies to you-- self preservation). I'm not swollen. In my irrational brain this means I will be pregnant until July.
Dane isn't low. He's hanging out high and he seems content. I'm 2cm dilated and about 70% effaced. This means nothing (I know), but I like to pretend like it does so I don't go completely insane.
I'm in that annoying just-waiting period where there's nothing left to prep or do. Nothing left to buy. Nothing left to wait for. Except the baby. It's driving me bananas. I'm ready to meet this little boy. I'm ready to see if he has his sister's where-did-this-come-from hair or if he'll come out with black hair. I'm ready to see if he'll be petite like his 6lbs 1oz sister was. I'm ready to tackle labor drug free. I'm ready to go through the challenge!! I'm ready to bring him home and nurse him and love on him and introduce him to his sister. I'm even ready for the hard parts. I'm READY!
I had a dream way back that he was born on the 23rd. That would be a really nice early birthday present. I'm ready, Dane. This week sometime, please.
Elaina was a surprise. I think it's safe to say she is the best surprise Marvin or I ever received. I won't go into the events that led up to the surprise pregnancy because that's a whole story in itself. When I found out I was pregnant I was shocked! I called Marvin at work. I was flabbergasted. He seemed cool as a cucumber. I'm sure he wasn't, but it's how he seemed. I really couldn't believe that I was pregnant. I just kept staring at the test and repeating "I'm pregnant" over and over again. I'm not sure that my reaction had anything to do with my marital status; I think any time a woman is pregnant (planned or surprise) for the very first time it takes some..... time to wrap her head around the idea of it all. The idea that there is really a BABY in there is hard to adjust to.
What surprised me most about being pregnant in the beginning? The reactions. I was pregnant and not married and apparently that's taboo? Marvin and I were pretty ecstatic right away. Other people (whose lives would not be affected whatsoever by this news): not so much. I didn't get it. I mean, I was 23 years old and had graduated from college, I had a full time job and was independent in every way (specifically financially). Anyone who knew me would've definitely said I was responsible. I was dating a 26 year old guy who was quite fabulous. We lived together. He had a full time job and was extremely responsible as well. We had a very healthy and happy relationship. And yet, people reacted like I was 15 years old, alone, irresponsible and pregnant. It was weird.
The people you'd expect to have a hard time adjusting to the news (parents) really kind of just rolled with the punches. My parents were living in Florida at the time so I had to tell them over the phone. I can remember that phone conversation like the back of my hand.
I called my Mom's cell and she answered and I asked her if she was busy. She said she wasn't and I asked her if she could go into a room because I needed to talk to her about something privately. "Sure," she said.
Me: I'm pregnant
Mom: You arrrrrrrrrrre?
Me: Yes
Mom: Are you freaking out?
Me: YES!
(at this point she begins to cry and hands the phone to my Dad)
Dad: Baby, you're PREGNANT?
Me: Yes!
Dad: That's so awesome! I'm going to be a grandpa? Wow, man!! Your mom is so happy she's crying.
Now, if anyone was going to be upset (and, really, why in the heck SHOULD anyone be upset??) you would imagine it would be my parents, right? Well, in all fairness my parents are..... different. I remember in High School I was the President of the Students United for Abstinence Club (pause and allow the irony to sink in) and I came home all proud and excited to tell my parents. My mom was all "oh, cool" and my Dad launched into a speech about how "that's great if it's what you want to do", but sex is a natural, normal thing that we shouldn't be ashamed of. It's not scary, he'd say. It's not shameful. Not your typical parents.
So, my parents were ecstatic. They moved back to Louisiana so they could be close to their grandchild. I was ecstatic too. I couldn't believe how lucky we were to be having a baby. I started reading and learning and researching immediately. I was already in love with my little bean! I didn't feel like the pregnancy was anything secretive, so I didn't keep it a secret! I let all of our friends know. We told our families and Facebook. It wasn't a secret by any means. I was PREGNANT and I was HAPPY and I wanted to shout it from the rooftops!!
I called a group of women who were close to me (individually), excited to share the news with them and their reactions surprised me and really hurt me. I considered these women role models my entire life and I was always aiming for their acceptance. I heard "what am I going to tell my kids?" (Umm, that I'm pregnant, duh! What do you mean?), "Well I guess if you're happy then I am" (Gee try to reign in your enthusiasm) and "Are you going to get married? You need to get married. You have to put yourself aside and get married now because it's what's right for the baby. Raising a child out of wedlock isn't stable. The baby needs stability." (whaaaaa?). I got really mad. How dare they make this extremely HAPPY time for me negative. I got super defensive and that was that. I kind of closed myself off from them. I didn't have room for anyone's negativity. A BABY was going to be born and Marvin and I were beyond-words happy.
After those negative conversations, I realized something: you set the tone for how people react to you. Had I kept my pregnancy a secret, people would've slowly found out and whispered and gossiped about it. Had I acted like it was something depressing or sad, people would've felt bad for me. But, if I was open and happy (the way I truly felt inside) about it publicly people could either get on board or look dumb. Do you know how dumb you look when someone is all "We're expecting, we're so excited!!" and then YOU (the person who this does not affect) are upset by the news? You look dumb. I decided I'd set the tone for this. I wouldn't allow others to treat this as anything but HAPPY and AWESOME news, and if they did, they'd be alone in their sorrow; I wasn't going to entertain it.
My grandma (my mother's mom) was so happy. This woman was the most Catholic person in my family. She had such a pure heart. She was extremely religious and yet, she was happy! I've never been as close to my mom's family as I've been to my dad's (purely a proximity thing, my mom's family lives in Puerto Rico), but they all seemed to be so happy for me! My aunt (my mom's sister) sent me care packages of baby books that she found helpful. She sent a little note in the package that I kept in Elaina's baby book. She called me and had excitement in her voice. She was so happy for me, she said. It's such a wonderful gift and she couldn't wait for me to experience it. Call her if I want any advice or have any questions. It's awesome, she said. (She has no idea what that conversation and note meant to me. It came just when I needed it.) Wow. The people who I personally called to tell (because they meant so much to me-- I thought they'd be SO happy) reacted terribly (and continued to be less than supportive throughout my entire pregnancy), and the people who got the news via my mom were my biggest supporters. It was crazy to me.
I had some pretty infuriating conversations during the pregnancy. Certain people kept trying to get Marvin and I to get married before Elaina was born. We were good, but thanks. They said that it would cause problems logistically if Elaina and I had different last names. (All those divorced moms out there seem to be handling it just fine.) They said I would regret this one day when Elaina started asking questions. I would have a hard time explaining to Elaina that we weren't married before we had her, they said. These people didn't get it. Had they met me before? I had (and to this day I still have) zero anxieties or worry about Elaina asking questions about this topic. She was 4.5 months old when we got married. She's in the wedding pictures. It's not a secret. It didn't feel wrong at the time and I wasn't about to "hurry" and get married in an effort to cover up the fact that we got pregnant before we got married. I didn't even feel like this needed covering up. It happened how it happened. The order was of no concern to Marvin or I.
These same people who were outraged that I was pregnant with Elaina were ecstatic when they heard we were pregnant with Dane. Hypocrites. What's the difference? A piece of paper? It's no longer "a sin"? Really, I don't get it.
Anyway, I don't really know what the point of this blog post is. I guess it's just to share my experience. It really surprised me how insensitive and ignorant people are. And, I guess my advice is if you're going through something that OTHER people may find taboo, but you're feeling wonderfully about it.... SCREW THEM!! Hold your head up high and be excited. It's your life. They can either follow your lead or look stupid.
Pregnancy, in general, is pretty amazing. I mean, it's amazing if you stop and think that women are walking around growing humans and stuff. When you're going through it, it's hard to remember (during the nausea, weight gain, acne and general aches and pain) how cool it is. The end of pregnancy is specifically mind boggling to me.
When my friends have asked me how I feel lately, I've answered "I actually feel good! Like, I'm not having trouble sleeping or moving around or anything." Well, that ship has sailed. Sleep is a rare delicacy now, and just standing up supporting my 160 lb (!!!!!) body is a high intensity workout.
I find the end-of-pregnancy (and it's accompanying "shoot me now" mentality) both amazing and terrible. Terrible because.... I'm TIRED and I can't sleep. Amazing because I really believe it's God's way of preparing you for the sleepless nights you are in for with a newborn to take care of. It's God's way of gearing you up for labor. If pregnancy was all butterflies and rainbows you wouldn't look forward to hours upon hours of horrible pain and squeezing a baby out of your hooha. I mean, it's annoying, but cool nonetheless.
Towards the end you have this incredible nesting instinct also. You want to prepare everything you can and have everything as clean as possible because your baby could come any minute. I tend to be a 9 month nester. I go through spurts (beginning early in the first trimester) of getting the house "baby ready". A few hours before I went into labor with Elaina, I had an overwhelming urge to scrub the bathtub.
I haven't had the nesting instinct lately with this pregnancy, and honestly I can't even imagine getting in the mood to clean right now. I am SO TIRED. Insomnia is such a weird thing. You're exhausted and you can't sleep (or stay asleep). Why? It doesn't make sense. Like, I'm tired! Let me sleep, body! The last few nights I've thought to myself "I really hope I don't go into labor tonight because I will be begging for the epidural immediately. There's no way I can handle labor THIS tired."
Some of the pregnant moms (in the secret Facebook group we have) recommended I try Epsom Salt Baths. They say it helps you sleep when pregnancy is getting in your way. I was pumped to try it last night. I thought MAYBE it would be magical and I'd get to sleep.
Marvin texted me when he got off of work and asked if I needed him to pick up anything on his way home. He said he was stopping at Lowe's to get something we needed for the house. "This is really random, but if they have Epsom Salt can you get me some, please?". Marvin came home without Epsom Salt. He said they didn't have it a Lowe's. Apparently he read into what I said too literally. What I MEANT for the text to say was "Do not come home without Epsom Salt." He should know how to mind read by now!
Apparently my sob story text messages to my mother have her feeling sorry for me because she asked for Elaina to spend the night at her house tonight. I'm planning on soaking in an Epsom Salt bath for hours tonight and having my husband rub my feet until I get tired of it (read: never). I'm falling apart. I know Dane will be worth it, but right now I just feel so darn sorry for myself. By the way, I have a post nasal drip that's causing a redonk sore throat. Ok, I'll put my violin down.
In happy news, things are starting to "happen" down below. At my last appointment I was starting to dilate and efface. This means absolutely nothing (just ask all the women who felt the need to rain on my parade and tell me about how they walked around at 6 cms for two months), but it made me feel like the end is near.
Marvin's money is on May 22nd. Mine is on May 25th (but, I'm torn between that date and the 23rd since I had a dream about the 23rd early in pregnancy). What does that all mean?? It means Dane will stay cooped up in here until June and I'll be trying to perform an at-home c-section.
When Elaina was born, I remember wondering what I did with my life for the 23 years before. Not in the "Oh my, my life is so beautifully complete now; those previous years were a waste" type of a way. But, in the "Oh my gosh, this crap is HARD. Why haven't I been enjoying the easy years before?!?" type of way. I used to joke with Marvin that I wish I had been more irresponsible with my life before having children. "Gah, why didn't I do drugs or something?" I mean, of course, I was kidding, but I realized that this was a new phase of my life, and the time for shenanigans was mostly over.
When you're pregnant, people give you the MOST ANNOYING advice ever. I guess they feel like you're about to join their club and they want to give you a heads up about what's coming next. If you get through your entire pregnancy without hearing "Sleep now while you still can!" then you must be living under a rock. I used to hate hearing that. It sounds so..... negative. It's almost like they're excited that you don't even know what you're about to get yourself into. And, plus, you'll hear it a million times. It gets old. But, it's SO TRUE.
For Elaina's first few weeks she ate every two hours. That means from the beginning of one feeding to the beginning of another. So, let's break it down: let's say it's 1:00 and it's time for her to eat. Ok, so I change her diaper and position her and myself in a chair for her to eat. She eats from each side for about 7 minutes and then burps. Then I get her to fall asleep. By this time it is 1:25. I try to take a nap because I'm exhausted. I fall asleep at around 1:35 and am promptly awaken by a hungry baby at 3:00. So, I slept for a solid hour and a half. Now, this is assuming that I used the in-between time to sleep. You can't (unfortunately) just lay in bed all day and sleep and nurse your kid. You have a house to take care of. You have yourself and your husband to feed. You have to dress yourself and your baby and change (A LOT of) diapers. You have doctor's appointments. You have visitors that want to see the new baby.
The first time your child sleeps for a 4 hour or 5 hour stretch (it feels like forever) you want to cry you are so excited that you got uninterrupted sleep.
I remember a few times Marvin was getting ready to go to work and I was sitting up in bed feeding Elaina with tears streaming down my eyes. I was crying because I was just. so. tired. I was so jealous that he didn't have to wake up three million times in the middle of the night (I was breastfeeding, so he couldn't truly help) and he "got" to go to work. It's irrational and crazy, but it's how I felt.
I posted a Facebook status about how silly I was to think I was "exhausted" before having a baby. People were offended. How dare I say you can't be exhausted unless you have a baby? They went to school and had a job. They had crazy hours. They barely slept. I was amazed at how much controversy came from me venting about having a hard time in my mothering transition. I spoke to other mothers to try to get some support about the fact that I was TIRED and this was HARD. They said things like "at least you don't have to go to work". They didn't even notice they were being dismissive. They didn't even realize they were inadvertently saying "you think YOU have it tough? try being a mom AND having a job, now THAT'S tough". I didn't understand. It wasn't a pissing contest. Both "jobs" have pros and cons. Staying home (in my opinion) isn't the easier choice. Working away from home (in my opinion) isn't the easier choice. They are just..... different.
The stay at home moms aren't laying around in their pjs watching TV and getting pedicures in their spare time. They aren't twiddling their thumbs. They aren't going on fab shopping sprees and meeting friends for drinks. The working moms aren't at work without a care in the world. They aren't having fabulous convos with their co workers and not having to worry about their children. They aren't coming home from work refreshed and full of outside stimulation. Both jobs are hard. They are hard in different ways.
The grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side. Maybe you've tried out both jobs and you find one is easier FOR YOU. Maybe you can't imagine doing one or the other. You make decisions for your family. You choose which job you think is right for your family. That doesn't mean you have to belittle the other side. It doesn't mean the other side has it easier.
My friends tell me the transition from one child to two children is EASIER than the becoming-a-first-time-mom transition. They say it's because you are already past the "my life will never be the same" shock. You already live your life thinking about someone else first. You already can't shower or pee alone. You already aren't living carefree. Life is already different. You are already in charge of keeping another human being alive and healthy. It just get a teeny bit more complicated with a second child in the mix. I hope they're right because the first time it was HARD.
In motherhood there are things that you don't really feel like you can say out loud. There are feelings and thoughts and doubts you have that you feel guilty for even thinking and you know that if you say it out loud you will be judged. Heck, you even judge yourself for even thinking said thought.
Dane was very much a wanted (and planned for) baby. I started having intense baby fever and Marvin Vallette was (as always) along for the ride. We decided to wait to "try" until the 3 million weddings we were serving in were done. After the last wedding, we started "trying". (Allow us a moment to talk about how weird it is when people say "trying", like, everyone knows that means HAVE SEX, but for some reason it's acceptable to ask people if they are "trying". Like, you can say "are y'all trying" and not feel weird, but you can't be all "are y'all having sex often and around your fertile period" and not feel weird. There's something wrong there.) Moving on....
It took us three months to get pregnant. Looking back on it, that's pretty quick. But, at the time it was super emotional for me. It felt like an eternity. Issues kept coming up and it was stressing me out. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and I wasn't ovulating. We got pregnant with Elaina so quickly that it made my head spin. Like, literally 2 weeks off of birth control and BAM! That's what I was expecting this time, too. Why wasn't this happening?
I was so ready to get pregnant that EVERY symptom meant I was pregnant. I had a headache: I was pregnant. I smelled something gross: I was pregnant. I probably took, like, 45 pregnancy tests in that 3 month window. The second month I was 100% positive that I was pregnant. I FELT pregnant. I had absolutely no doubt. I took tests and they were negative, and I was SO SURE that I told myself "it's just too early to show" and kept waiting for that second line to pop up. It never did. I wasn't pregnant. That pretty much devastated me and I vowed to not ever take another pregnancy test again until I felt the baby kick (or something equally crazy). When I finally did take a test it was because Marvin basically made me. I was a week late, but I was 100% positive that I wasn't pregnant. I cried and cried and cried when the test finally had two lines. I was ecstatic!
I don't know how the people who struggle for years to get pregnant do it. I can understand why that can be such a strain on a marriage. I almost went insane and it was only 3 months.
So, anyway, I got pregnant and I was ecstatic. I couldn't wait. I knew immediately it was a boy. I just had a "feeling". I had the boy name all picked out and I made a registry online (for my own organization) of all the things we would need for Dane.
Then, I started showing and I felt like a hippo, and I remembered that pregnancy isn't all beauty and rainbows. I felt fat again. When I was 8 weeks along my mother-in-law said "you're going to be SO BIG, huh?". It hurt my feelings because I'm already so touchy about my weight. She truly thought she was giving me a compliment. She says she "loves big pregnant bellies". She has good intentions and a great, big heart so you can't be mad at her, but I'm ultra sensitive about my body image so it just added to my issues.
So, now I'm feeling fat and ugly. Then came the part that I was scared to tell most people: I was dreading having another baby. That word sounds so strong: dread. I feel the judgment through the computer screen. How crazy am I? I cried and freaked out when I "couldn't" get pregnant the exact second that I wanted to and now that we're expecting a baby I'm "dreading" it?
Let me explain: all of a sudden, I remembered what having a newborn was like. I remembered what goes into it. I remembered how much of ME it was going to take. Our life right now is so..... NEAT. We have our schedule and our life runs like a well oiled machine. Elaina is 2.5 and we are organized and in a groove. If I need to go to Wal Mart to pick up bananas: we load up and drive to Wal Mart, we walk in, grab bananas, pay and come home. Elaina is a little person who is highly portable. She is basically like my little buddy. She can speak clearly, express herself easily and is easily reasoned with. Newborns....not so much.
This baby is going to take our neat, organized, well-oiled machine and throw a monkey wrench into it.
Knowing my daughter, we're going to deal with jealousy issues. She's going to have to adjust to her mommy all of a sudden paying attention to this baby and not devoting 100% solely to her. I was dreading that change. I was dreading what this would mean for Elaina. And then, I got excited again.
I mean, I am still aware that this baby is going to shake things up. My house probably won't be clean every day like it is now. I probably won't get to pick up and run errands like I do now. I won't get a date night with my husband for a while. I won't get uninterrupted sleep for a few months (maybe longer?). But, that's ok and we'll adjust. We'll get into a two-kid groove (eventually). It'll be hard at the beginning (just like it was with Elaina), but it won't be hard forever. We'll develop a new sense of what "normal" is.
Moms aren't allowed to say things like "I'm not really excited". They're not allowed to express anything other than rainbows and unicorn love for their offspring. So, I just wanted to take a little time to be honest about something I was struggling with. I'm passed it and I'm just purely excited now, but maybe once he's here I'll have some other worry or stress or negative feeling.
It doesn't mean we don't love our children; it just means we're human.
Me, ummmm, celebrating? This was the last wedding of the year for us!
I've gained 32 lbs thus far. Dane weighs about 3 lbs right now. Seems legit.
That's how much weight I gained with Elaina the ENTIRE PREGNANCY. I just can't get over that number. I still have (technically) 9 weeks left. I've stopped weighing myself. I only see my weight climb up thanks to the stupid doctor's office. Every time they weigh me Marvin comes up with an excuse for why I'm such a fat ass. It's really sweet. I can't tell if he really believes it or if he's trying to make me feel better. He'll be all "yeah, but remember you had a big breakfast?" (at 4 in the afternoon) or "that's not really accurate since it's 10:45 AM and you're supposed to weigh yourself FIRST THING in the morning".
All I complain about is how I feel SO fat. I talk about it non stop. I know it drives Marvin crazy. I feel so ugly and fat and pimply and disgusting. I can't get over it. Pregnancy reminds me of how incredibly vain I am. I complain to my pregnant mommy friends in this secret Facebook group we have and they all compliment me and then I feel like I shouldn't have complained because I look like a douche seeking out compliments. I know everyone is trying to make me feel better, but it feels weird. You know how when YOU'RE self conscious about something it doesn't matter how OTHER people feel? You just feel how you feel.
I've been going around town in sweat pants lately. It's worked out quite well so far. No one can see my hippopotamus legs and I don't have to shave. But, now that the weather has cooled down I thought I might die of heat exhaustion if I didn't get some spring/summer clothes.
I went to Old Navy to buy some clothes. Their stuff is plain and cheap and I'm not looking to spend a fortune since I won't be this size forever (please, God!). You know that table they have with the boring, soft, v-neck shirts? They have them in a million colors? Well, I decided to buy some of those and some new jeans. The jeans that have been helping me along for the last 29 weeks now only reach half way up my butt crack. I didn't want to buy maternity jeans because they just look.... maternity-ish and the clothes companies are cruel and like to kick a fat woman when she's down and charge an arm and a leg for the "cute" maternity jeans.
Anyway, so I went and visited the table with those shirts and put like 5 of them (same style & size-- different colors) in my cart. I grabbed two pairs of jeans and headed to the dressing room. I take off my clothes and slip on the first t-shirt. I immediately contemplate suicide. The shirt looks like a second piece of skin. It looks like I borrowed it from my 12 year old anorexic sister. The shirt is a size small. Duh, Diana. You are freaking almost 8 months pregnant. You can't wear smalls anymore. Get yourself together.
I pop my head out of the dressing room and ask the attendant if she can get me a shirt in that style (any color) in a medium for me to try on. "A....medium?" she says. "Yes, please!". She comes back with the medium. I try it on. It covers about 40% of my belly only. I'm in denial, aparently. Awesome. I need a large. Just awesome!! I stick my head out. "I guess I need a large. Do you mind?" She brings me the large. It fits. It's comfortable. It's a teeny tiny bit too big, which means that when I'm 40 weeks it'll be too tight and I'll contemplate suicide again.
I move on to the jeans. Remember they aren't maternity jeans! I pull them on and they fit wonderfully. I can't button them, but I can zip them and they feel comfortable and they look cute. Score! Then, I check the size. Why, God? Why did I do that? They are an 8.
Calm down. I know some of you are all "Omg, an 8 isn't even big." Well, for me an 8 is a size I've never worn before. I've never even come close. And, Old Navy is known for their vanity sizing. Which means that I probably really wear a 10. That's a two digit number. F word.
I guess I'm writing this for all the pregnant gals who feel like an elephant, too. The ones who feel fat. (This is not for you if you feel so "beautiful" and "feminine" pregnant. PS- WHO ARE YOU?!?) Just keep in mind that this is a short time. We'll be normal again one day! It's for a good cause. And, if you are having a hard time, email me!! At least you'll be able to talk with someone who knows EXACTLY how feel.
That's a picture of me (right) 3 months before finding out I was expecting this time.
That's a picture of me at 31 weeks. (Taken yesterday.)
So, remember my appointment was on Thursday? Well, Marvin and I got there and the receptionist was all "ummm, no you don't have an appointment today." And I was all "yes huh!". Anyway, it was a mistake on their part. So, I go and deposit my urine sample and sit down in the waiting room. I was so flipping nervous. It was freeeeeezing in there, but I was sweating. Anyway, the nurse calls me back and weighs me and then I realize I've already gained a whopping 32 lbs (the amount I gained the ENTIRE PREGNANCY with Elaina-- I still have 10ish weeks left. Awesome.). She checks my blood pressure and shows me to my room.
The nurse's aid comes in and checks the heartbeat. She takes too long to find it and I have to point at where Dane is (the large lump, woman). Then she does that thing they do where they listen for 2 seconds and pretend like they know the rate. His "rate" is always 150. (Yeah, we know you fake it!)
Marvin and I sit there for about 30 minutes (like we always do waiting for Dr. Brown). He comes in and accesses my records on his laptop.
Dr. Brown: So, I see you did your glucose test with your jelly beans and your numbers were great. Anything below 130 is good and you were in the 93 range.
Me: Yep. They tried to give me attitude over the jelly beans.
Dr. Brown: And I'm confident you handled it.
(Marvin and Dr. Brown look at each other and laugh and laugh and laugh.)
Me: Ok, let's scale it back, guys. That's a little too much laughter.
We talked a little about my being slightly anemic. And then, I dropped the bomb on him.
Me: Ok, so, I have something I want to talk to you about.
Dr. Brown: Go for it! You're the caboose today, so, take your time.
Me: Ok, so, with Elaina we were shooting for an un-medicated birth and we kind of winged it without preparing and it didn't work out. So, we've been taking Bradley Method classes this time and I've been thinking about what I'd like to change, and...... I wrote a birth plan and wanted to see how you feel about it.
Dr. Brown: Ok, let's hear it!
Me: It's kind of long, but there are three parts that I know go against "normal" practice. Here we go: I'd like intermittent monitoring. How do you feel about that?
Dr. Brown: If your labor stalls and you need pitocin, I think it's important that you are under continous fetal monitoring.
Me: Completely agree, but I'm not getting pitocin. I'm going to labor at home as long as possible and I don't want any augmentation of labor.
Dr. Brown: Ok, well, in that case, I think it's fine as long as we agree that if the baby shows signs of distress during the intermittent monitoring, we need you on continuous monitoring.
Me: Agreed. Ok, I would prefer a saline lock instead of an IV. How do you feel about that?
Dr. Brown: That's fine, but I want the saline lock at least. Can I ask why you don't want the IV?
Me: It's just really hard to relax and move freely when there's a needle in your hand and you're attached to a pole and have to drag it everywhere.
Dr. Brown: Ok, makes sense. But, the saline lock at least, ok?
Me: Ok. And, here's the one I'm the most worried about: I'd like to be able to use the birth tub. I have absolutely no desire to have a water birth, but I'd like to be able to use it for pain management during labor. How do you feel about that?
Dr. Brown: Yeah. The hospital has a room with a tub in it. We can arrange that. We may need to let L&D know ahead of time so they have it ready for you, but it shouldn't be a problem.
Me: Ok, I really don't want to have the baby in there, but I'd like to have the option to use it during contractions.
Dr. Brown: Yeah, I had a patient talk me into using the birth tub once to deliver and it was the first and last time. It was a train wreck. I knew it would be a train wreck when she started pushing, but by then it was too late.
Me: I have no desire, so don't worry about that. Ok, that's pretty much it. Would you like to look it over?
Dr. Brown: Yes, please.
(I hand him the birth plan)
Me: It's kind of long.
Dr. Brown: I wouldn't expect anything else from you. (Looks at Marvin and they both start laughing).
Me: Ok.... y'all. It's not THAT funny.
(Dr. Brown composes himself and reads over the plan. Long pause of silence as he reads through the plan.)
Dr. Brown: Oh, I already know I'm going to fail this one.
Me: What?!? Which one?
Dr. Brown: Don't offer pain medicine, epidural.
Me: Why??
Dr. Brown: Because I just hate seeing people in pain!
Me: Ok, well, if you have to say it just whisper it or something.
Marvin: You're a DOCTOR who hates seeing people in pain?
(At this point I shoot Marvin a death stare that means "Did you hear him say YES to the tub? Shut it.")
Dr. Brown: I'll try to make a note so I remember, though.
(More reading...)
Dr. Brown: Ok, I think everything in here is ok. Let me just finish reading through it and there's something I want to touch on.
(At this point I start to sweat again.)
Dr. Brown: Ok, this cord pulsating cr....thing.
Me: DR. BROWN! What were you going to say??
Dr. Brown (ignoring the slip of the tongue): Physiologically the placenta and cord.........(Dr. Brown goes into a medical explanation of how the cord and placenta work and why it worries him to wait on the clamping of the cord. I'm aware that his school of thought is old school, but I let it slide. Did I mention that he ok'd the birth tub?)
Me (giddy like a school girl from the "yes" to the tub): Ok, we can edit that part out. It doesn't matter.
Dr. Brown: And, the part about the baby not going to the nursery. I would think about that. Depending on when you deliver, you will be tired. It's a huge difference between intrauterine environment and extrauterine environment. In the nursery, the baby will be monitored. It may be better for the baby to be monitored than if you are both passed out in a dark room with no one watching the baby. I know at home it'll be the same thing, but....
Me: I don't sleep.
Marvin: She really doesn't. She will feed the baby every two hours and do breathing checks every 10 seconds.
Dr. Brown: Ok. Hahaha. I actually don't doubt that. Just a suggestion!
Then he gave me the whole thing about "What REALLY matters is that you and the baby are safe". And I smiled and said, "yes, but there's nothing in my birth plan that deters from that." He smiled, "I agree".
Me: So, tell me the truth.... you hate when people bring birth plans, right?
Dr. Brown: No.
Me: C'mon... it won't hurt my feelings. You hate it?
Dr. Brown: I really don't!
He totally hates it.
